why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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