he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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