Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
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it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Randomize