I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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