i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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