She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
