my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
