Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
