I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
