yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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