he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Randomize