The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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