im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
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