i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize