Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
