Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
