stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
