No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
