I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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