I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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