I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
