Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
