Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
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