I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
