can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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