A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Two words: blizzard sex
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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