My nipple is on Facebook.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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