my mouth tastes like poor choices
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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