As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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