i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
