I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
