there was a trapeze. enough said
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
