I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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