he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
