This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
