you win again, gameday.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
