I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
