I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
