You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
