do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
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Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
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Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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