I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
