shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
