i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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