And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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