i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
