Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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