And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
