We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
