If i could tip my vagina, i would.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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