I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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