So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
