I can feel you judging me through the phone.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
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He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize