I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
