I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
