Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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