11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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