there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
