he told me I talked like a deaf person
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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