Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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