I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
